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kalihaYes, I know I've missed an ep out. I will come back for it. I promise.
Just in case you've not been watching for the last series and a bit, have a quick potted history
Gwen got engaged. Jack was seemingly a bit put out. Gwen said whatevs, you had your chance and you blew it.
It's not a night out without being subjected to a Hen Night
Apparently a common sight in and around town these days. I really don't get the cowboy hats though, although they are pink and trimmed with glittery 'fur'. (Which in a future episode will transpire to have originally come from an alien who fell through the Rift)
The Glamorous side of Torchwood
Getting into fights in public toilets. It's classy and so unhygienic.
Fighting aliens makes you peckish
Unfortunately, Gwen's been off kebabs for a few weeks now. Having to deal with a massive alien whale does that to you. So crisps it is.
Stripper!
And for bonus lulz, Gwen's friends got her one who dresses like a policeman. Not too sure about the florescent posing pouch though.
What've you done to your arm?
Oh nothing, terrible papercut. Them foolscap files are mean you know. Really mean. Gwen quickly buys them more alcopops so that they stop asking questions.
I hate that
...you go out on a great night home. Manage to get in just before the sun comes up and you get out of bed only to discover that you're nine months pregnant. On your wedding day. She's going to need a bigger bouquet to disguise that y'know. Better ring the florist.
Oh-
I think that sums everything up right there.
Quick! Throw in a stereotypical pregnancy craving
Y HALO THAR gherkins. mmmmmmmmmmmm. Although what sort of sane person keeps a jar of gherkins in the fridge? It's just not right.
Just in case you boys haven't noticed...
...I'll point at this week's cause of all my problems before I start rapid pointing my fist at your nose. Hard.
Rhys is taking it well - mostly
Other than the (deserved) slagging off of Jack. It's lucky he knows all about what Gwen does for a living, it would suck to have your wedding day retconned. (ahem)
The idea of Ianto wedding dress shopping
may have broken my brain. Especially the comments about men buying dresses 'for their friends'.
Gwen wants to marry Rhys yay!
I'm so glad that Gwen's made her choice. This would be the perfect get-out for her. But she's sticking with her man, sod the flashy ex-Time Agents who flirt so inappropriately at her.
Owen actually manages to compliment Tosh
Suffering from a terrible case of death is actually having quite a good effect on him. Mostly. He still has a massive bird box hole in his chest, and that does mean that unless he starts taking a liking to really wide kipper ties (ask yer mum) he won't be wearing smart white shirts for a bit.
"Rhys and I wanted it to be a surprise."
Hi Mum, Dad. Surprise! I'm having an alien baby! On my wedding day. And they're right, Swansea isn't a different planet, only wondering around town on a Friday night makes it seem like it is. (Only joking! Love Swansea)
The lies don't work
Gwen suddenly realises the enormity of the situation and how she can't just lie to everyone any more. It's no wonder the entire world knows about Torchwood.
Rhys is NOT loving Jack this week
"O Hai Jack, Stop trying to ruin my wedding, kthnxbyi."
"Bananas make me vomit"
Tosh is actually showing some confidence this week. Poor Banana Boat and he knows that 'banana's are good' but the girl's never believe him. And this is the infamous Banana Boat. hmmmmmm. We all have friends like him. I know I do, but won't name and shame.
There's always Owen
Yeah Tosh. Your love life hasn't really been the greatest up until now, but it's okay, there's always the dead guy who's all emo about never being able to fart again.
You never, know, maybe he'll let you touch his wound or something. (Okay, I've actually managed to squick myself out there. Apologies everyone!)
Jack looking through wedding dresses
Jack, sweetie. They don't do them in your size. Plus you don't really have the shoulders to pull off a sleeveless wedding dress and white really isn't your colour.
My dad was a master tailor
Minor bit of Ianto back story ahoy! Insert loads of jokes about dressing to the right and having to blow on the ends of tape measures right here. Prizes for the funniest.
Boo!shapeshifters
Shapeshifters always spoil the fun. Look at Lister, the polymorph ruined his dinner, his pants and my brane once Kryten got involved. Now they're hell bent on ruining Gwen's wedding. Damn them! Damn them all!
Tosh sorts out Banana Boat
You really don't want to mess with her. Plus, look how much stuff
Let's play guess what will be cut out of the family friendly edition.
I was brought up never to talk ill of the dead
...especially when the dead is still doing all the talking.
Ianto's being given a lot of the good lines. Makes a change from him standing around i nthe semi-background looking serious. Well done to the writers. Without fail every week there is a Ianto line that makes me splutter actual laughs.
Don't cry emo!ex-policegirl
I'm sure everything will be fixed by the end of the episode. And look on the bright side. At least you're not dead.
Gwen's dad thinks she's mad
Not surprising really. I can't believe that her Dad's not heard of Torchwood. Little old ladies have heard of Torchwood! Random Alien Blowfish have heard of Torchwood. They obviously don't keep up with the news in the Big City in Swansea then.
Oh, look at Rhys!
He looks so smart.
Gwen walking down the aisle
I told you she needed a much bigger bouquet. All the scandalised looks are hilarious though.
I wish there'd be more interactions like this
between these three because they are always so funny. Jack's non understanding of how Twenty First Century Weddings work and Ianto and Owen's scarily in-depth knowledge. It's nice just to see tem tlaking like this and not scrapping with each other or blowing stuff up.
Stop the wedding!
It was just like that Renault Clio advert with Bob Mortimer and 'Nicole' only with less slo-mo and no Vic Reeves. I wonder how many times Jack has done this over the years?
Gwen is definitely going to marry Rhys. Good
This pleases me.
Ianto just lets the screaming bridesmaid run away
You have to have one moment of Torchwood being incompetent just so you remember how they were. There is was.
Nerys bitches about Jack's dress sense.
OMG Nerys Hughes! She's just jealous because Jack never flirted with her and he's a bit prettier than Rhys. (But that doesn't make Jack better than Rhys though, oh no).
Action running
You've got to have some running, it makes Jack's coat look all flappy and manly.
Ugly bitch
That is NO way to talk to Nerys Hughes. Bad Jack, bad!
Rhys smacking Jack = win
Because you should never bad mouth another man's mum, even if you think she's an evil alien shapeshifter.
A lot of mums want a daughter like Gwen
She can hide a semi automatic weapon in her bouquet and NOT shoot her mum when dealing ith evil shapeshifters.
The Singularity Scalpel
is Torchwood's Sonic Screwdriver isn't it? is this a good thing or not?
It's a Trap!
But Gwen's so slow on the uptake.
Not so pretty now, eh?
We need guns, bigger guns
Just a shame they sounded as plastic-y as they looked.
Rhys saved Gwen!
with Torchwood's Sonic Screwdriver. This is PROOF that Rhys is the perfect man for Gwen. Proof I tells you. We got good at it much quicker than Owen did though. Owen much have been a really good teacher.
Evil Dead reference for the WIN!
Jack's gun may be bigger
|But is it better? Discuss.
I love a good wedding
*sob*
DJ!Ianto
Available for weddings, christenings and general parties. Reasonable rates, specialises in great Eighties music.
Jack/Gwen
Jack may be a shameless flirt and nothings going to change that, but I think he respects Gwen's marriage vows and hopefully won't now be written as still sort of chasing after Gwen. He made it clear that Rhys deserves her more. I just hope the future episodes carries this on.
Ianto cutting in
This is the first time the whole Jack/Ianto thing has been so public has it not? Well it is the worst kept secret in the Hub. It was really very sweet as was Gwen's slightly embarrassed flusteredness when she realised that Ianto didn't want to dance with her. Bless.
Retconned the punch
I hope they took lots and lots of photos because that's all they'll have to remember the wedding by. I can see why Jack did that, because, alien shapeshifts and mothers terrorised don't have a place at a wedding, but he was a bit harsh to try and retcon Gwen and Rhys too, they at least deserve to remember their wedding day, Rhys saved Gwen's life and everything.
By night a bunch of Wedding Fairies
by day fighting crime. What a life Team Torchwood lead. How are they going to explain away the half eaten DJ? That's going to be one hell of a cover up.
So, who is Jack's mysterious wife?
Ooh, how intriguing.
In Conclusion
Another good episode, it made me strangely nostalgic for my own wedding (which had 100% less shapeshifters and reconned punch). I hope the writers will now stop trying to push the whole Jack/Gwen 'conventional' ship, because it's not fair on Rhys, who throughout everything, stood by Gwen and Gwen's also made her choice.
Of course, now Gwen has done this, Rhys is no highly likely to join Owen's I R Ded clubbefore the series is done. (and this time with no reset button to bring him back).
8/10
Just in case you've not been watching for the last series and a bit, have a quick potted history
Gwen got engaged. Jack was seemingly a bit put out. Gwen said whatevs, you had your chance and you blew it.
It's not a night out without being subjected to a Hen Night
Apparently a common sight in and around town these days. I really don't get the cowboy hats though, although they are pink and trimmed with glittery 'fur'. (Which in a future episode will transpire to have originally come from an alien who fell through the Rift)
The Glamorous side of Torchwood
Getting into fights in public toilets. It's classy and so unhygienic.
Fighting aliens makes you peckish
Unfortunately, Gwen's been off kebabs for a few weeks now. Having to deal with a massive alien whale does that to you. So crisps it is.
Stripper!
And for bonus lulz, Gwen's friends got her one who dresses like a policeman. Not too sure about the florescent posing pouch though.
What've you done to your arm?
Oh nothing, terrible papercut. Them foolscap files are mean you know. Really mean. Gwen quickly buys them more alcopops so that they stop asking questions.
I hate that
...you go out on a great night home. Manage to get in just before the sun comes up and you get out of bed only to discover that you're nine months pregnant. On your wedding day. She's going to need a bigger bouquet to disguise that y'know. Better ring the florist.
Oh-
I think that sums everything up right there.
Quick! Throw in a stereotypical pregnancy craving
Y HALO THAR gherkins. mmmmmmmmmmmm. Although what sort of sane person keeps a jar of gherkins in the fridge? It's just not right.
Just in case you boys haven't noticed...
...I'll point at this week's cause of all my problems before I start rapid pointing my fist at your nose. Hard.
Rhys is taking it well - mostly
Other than the (deserved) slagging off of Jack. It's lucky he knows all about what Gwen does for a living, it would suck to have your wedding day retconned. (ahem)
The idea of Ianto wedding dress shopping
may have broken my brain. Especially the comments about men buying dresses 'for their friends'.
Gwen wants to marry Rhys yay!
I'm so glad that Gwen's made her choice. This would be the perfect get-out for her. But she's sticking with her man, sod the flashy ex-Time Agents who flirt so inappropriately at her.
Owen actually manages to compliment Tosh
Suffering from a terrible case of death is actually having quite a good effect on him. Mostly. He still has a massive bird box hole in his chest, and that does mean that unless he starts taking a liking to really wide kipper ties (ask yer mum) he won't be wearing smart white shirts for a bit.
"Rhys and I wanted it to be a surprise."
Hi Mum, Dad. Surprise! I'm having an alien baby! On my wedding day. And they're right, Swansea isn't a different planet, only wondering around town on a Friday night makes it seem like it is. (Only joking! Love Swansea)
The lies don't work
Gwen suddenly realises the enormity of the situation and how she can't just lie to everyone any more. It's no wonder the entire world knows about Torchwood.
Rhys is NOT loving Jack this week
"O Hai Jack, Stop trying to ruin my wedding, kthnxbyi."
"Bananas make me vomit"
Tosh is actually showing some confidence this week. Poor Banana Boat and he knows that 'banana's are good' but the girl's never believe him. And this is the infamous Banana Boat. hmmmmmm. We all have friends like him. I know I do, but won't name and shame.
There's always Owen
Yeah Tosh. Your love life hasn't really been the greatest up until now, but it's okay, there's always the dead guy who's all emo about never being able to fart again.
You never, know, maybe he'll let you touch his wound or something. (Okay, I've actually managed to squick myself out there. Apologies everyone!)
Jack looking through wedding dresses
Jack, sweetie. They don't do them in your size. Plus you don't really have the shoulders to pull off a sleeveless wedding dress and white really isn't your colour.
My dad was a master tailor
Minor bit of Ianto back story ahoy! Insert loads of jokes about dressing to the right and having to blow on the ends of tape measures right here. Prizes for the funniest.
Boo!shapeshifters
Shapeshifters always spoil the fun. Look at Lister, the polymorph ruined his dinner, his pants and my brane once Kryten got involved. Now they're hell bent on ruining Gwen's wedding. Damn them! Damn them all!
Tosh sorts out Banana Boat
You really don't want to mess with her. Plus, look how much stuff
Let's play guess what will be cut out of the family friendly edition.
I was brought up never to talk ill of the dead
...especially when the dead is still doing all the talking.
Ianto's being given a lot of the good lines. Makes a change from him standing around i nthe semi-background looking serious. Well done to the writers. Without fail every week there is a Ianto line that makes me splutter actual laughs.
Don't cry emo!ex-policegirl
I'm sure everything will be fixed by the end of the episode. And look on the bright side. At least you're not dead.
Gwen's dad thinks she's mad
Not surprising really. I can't believe that her Dad's not heard of Torchwood. Little old ladies have heard of Torchwood! Random Alien Blowfish have heard of Torchwood. They obviously don't keep up with the news in the Big City in Swansea then.
Oh, look at Rhys!
He looks so smart.
Gwen walking down the aisle
I told you she needed a much bigger bouquet. All the scandalised looks are hilarious though.
I wish there'd be more interactions like this
between these three because they are always so funny. Jack's non understanding of how Twenty First Century Weddings work and Ianto and Owen's scarily in-depth knowledge. It's nice just to see tem tlaking like this and not scrapping with each other or blowing stuff up.
Stop the wedding!
It was just like that Renault Clio advert with Bob Mortimer and 'Nicole' only with less slo-mo and no Vic Reeves. I wonder how many times Jack has done this over the years?
Gwen is definitely going to marry Rhys. Good
This pleases me.
Ianto just lets the screaming bridesmaid run away
You have to have one moment of Torchwood being incompetent just so you remember how they were. There is was.
Nerys bitches about Jack's dress sense.
OMG Nerys Hughes! She's just jealous because Jack never flirted with her and he's a bit prettier than Rhys. (But that doesn't make Jack better than Rhys though, oh no).
Action running
You've got to have some running, it makes Jack's coat look all flappy and manly.
Ugly bitch
That is NO way to talk to Nerys Hughes. Bad Jack, bad!
Rhys smacking Jack = win
Because you should never bad mouth another man's mum, even if you think she's an evil alien shapeshifter.
A lot of mums want a daughter like Gwen
She can hide a semi automatic weapon in her bouquet and NOT shoot her mum when dealing ith evil shapeshifters.
The Singularity Scalpel
is Torchwood's Sonic Screwdriver isn't it? is this a good thing or not?
It's a Trap!
But Gwen's so slow on the uptake.
Not so pretty now, eh?
We need guns, bigger guns
Just a shame they sounded as plastic-y as they looked.
Rhys saved Gwen!
with Torchwood's Sonic Screwdriver. This is PROOF that Rhys is the perfect man for Gwen. Proof I tells you. We got good at it much quicker than Owen did though. Owen much have been a really good teacher.
Evil Dead reference for the WIN!
Jack's gun may be bigger
|But is it better? Discuss.
I love a good wedding
*sob*
DJ!Ianto
Available for weddings, christenings and general parties. Reasonable rates, specialises in great Eighties music.
Jack/Gwen
Jack may be a shameless flirt and nothings going to change that, but I think he respects Gwen's marriage vows and hopefully won't now be written as still sort of chasing after Gwen. He made it clear that Rhys deserves her more. I just hope the future episodes carries this on.
Ianto cutting in
This is the first time the whole Jack/Ianto thing has been so public has it not? Well it is the worst kept secret in the Hub. It was really very sweet as was Gwen's slightly embarrassed flusteredness when she realised that Ianto didn't want to dance with her. Bless.
Retconned the punch
I hope they took lots and lots of photos because that's all they'll have to remember the wedding by. I can see why Jack did that, because, alien shapeshifts and mothers terrorised don't have a place at a wedding, but he was a bit harsh to try and retcon Gwen and Rhys too, they at least deserve to remember their wedding day, Rhys saved Gwen's life and everything.
By night a bunch of Wedding Fairies
by day fighting crime. What a life Team Torchwood lead. How are they going to explain away the half eaten DJ? That's going to be one hell of a cover up.
So, who is Jack's mysterious wife?
Ooh, how intriguing.
In Conclusion
Another good episode, it made me strangely nostalgic for my own wedding (which had 100% less shapeshifters and reconned punch). I hope the writers will now stop trying to push the whole Jack/Gwen 'conventional' ship, because it's not fair on Rhys, who throughout everything, stood by Gwen and Gwen's also made her choice.
Of course, now Gwen has done this, Rhys is no highly likely to join Owen's I R Ded clubbefore the series is done. (and this time with no reset button to bring him back).
8/10
